Having more than one queer identity can be confusing, annoying, stressful, exasperating. Mostly because of other people. I wanted to ask people with multiple queer identities what it’s like for them.
What are people’s reactions when you tell them about your identity
Most people don’t understand what enby means. It’s can be annoying and depressing sometimes because I get misgendered a lot because people always presume I’m Cis. Some people are like “you be guy na, obviously” etc. It’s annoying tbh. This also happens among Queer people who I thought would be progressive enough to acknowledge my gender identity but reverse is the case. Most people don’t welcome the idea that I’m enby and their reaction to it is always not encouraging.
Adebuzz, 21, Gay enby
Its sort of a mixed reaction, because on one end reactions are very normal, and on the other it’s “uhh??”. I remember a time I had “demisexual” in my bio, and someone randomly entered my DM to ask “demisexual and gay?? Abi you’re just celibate?
Nicholas, 18, Gay Demisexual
Some people would look at me like asexual?? Is that possible? Can someone be asexual? Some people have lots and lots of questions to ask. Some would be like; you don’t like sex? Some people also don’t believe its possible to find love as an asexual person. I don’t exactly blame them though, I thought something was wrong with me for a really long while.
Claire, 26, panromantic ace
Tbh I leave the non binary part out when meeting people because enbyphobia is so violent and I’m not ready to recieve harassment. But when I say I’m Pansexual, a lot of people have the weirdest assumptions. Just like biphobia, panphobia also similarly gives these negative misinformation about Pansexual people being cheaters and wanting to sleep with everyone.
Freddie, 20, Pansexual, Non-binary woman
S, 22, Grey/Demi romantic Bisexual
It’s usually curiosity because they’ve never heard of it before
I didn’t even know about it till my best friend sent it to me and it described how I felt perfectly. I felt lost because quite a few around me were in relationships and I haven’t in such a long time, it felt like the normal thing to do and I didn’t even have any desire to get into one.
It was such a relief to find out that I wasn’t alone and it what I feel actually has a name and research attached.
Do people think you cant have more than one identity at a time
There are people who do, definitely. I try to explain to myself why that’s possible because when a lot of people begin to question double identity, you have to assure yourself that it’s possible and you’re not just making things up. And when I introduce myself, I just say I’m gay, and it constantly feels like I’m erasing one part of myself. But I do it in order to avoid weird stares and “how does that work” question?
Nicholas, 18, Gay Demisexual
Most people are not comfortable with it. I remember when I posted a picture of mine where I was wearing makeup and nail polish to my whatsapp status last year and I received a lot of backlash. People who even are already aware of my sexuality (Queer folx included) called me upcoming bobrisky etc.
Adebuzz, 21, gay enby
And when I came out to them that I’m non binary, they were telling me to take it easy. But I don’t care anymore though.
Oh nah, because it’s nothing to do with sexual attraction really, it’s about romantic attraction so it can be with anyone besides I’ve only told other queer people who understand the dynamics of several queer identities so thankfully I haven’t had people misunderstand me when I explain myself.
S, 22, grey/Demi romantic Bisexual
Do you have an identity that’s less ‘accepted’ by other queer people in the community and how does this make you feel.
Yes, non binary. It makes me feel sad a lot of times because I can’t fully express my gender identity even while in a company of Queer folx. That’s why I’m very careful of people I keep in my circle lately.
Adebuzz, 21, gay enby
Nicholas, 18, Gay Demisexual
Yes. Considering the fact that Demisexuality is under the Asexual umbrella, and a lot of community people already overlook it. Imagine how they’d do when they start examining ace sub-identities. I mostly try to ignore it, because I don’t need anyone telling me that what I am isn’t real, or invalidating it. And other times it’s sad, because we’re a huge community, and you going “oh your sexuality isn’t as valid as mine” doesn’t give the sense of unity that we’re trying to achieve.
The queer community has a lot to unpack with their transphobia and enbyphobia. Seeing so much of this even in feminist spaces too makes me feel so worried about my identity. There was a time I regretted coming out non binary.
Freddie, 20, Pansexual Non-binary woman
At first it was hard. Especially when I was struggling with it.
Claire, 26, Panromantic Ace
I once saw a tweet from a queer person saying shit about asexuality and it was horrible for me cos at that time, I was having sleepless nights over my identity. Right now, I try to ignore and block anyone who brings that to my timeline.
Does your identity make it harder to navigate queer spaces
Not really, the only thing that’s different about me in my circle is my aromanticism, it’s something that raised questions when I kept turning people down for 5 years but once I got a hang of it and was able to explain it was pretty well accepted and supported.
S, 22, grey/demi romantic Bisexual
I personally think navigating queer spaces is harder when you’re not Cis, y’know femmephobia and all. My last relationship couldn’t work because my partner is one of those people who claim to be discreet and he always tell me to tone down my effeminacy whenever we’re out, I wasn’t OK with this and we eventually broke up. I also think my current relationship is heading in the same direction.
Adebuzz, 21, gay enby
It is. I knew that I was gay a long time ago, but I only started embracing it last year, and I didn’t identify as demi until this year. So it has generally been hard for me to do that, not only because of my identities, but because of how much time I spent secluding myself.
Nicholas, 18, Gay Demisexual
Kinda. The queer community has been one I am really proud to be part of, online queer twitter spaces has been safe and welcoming. But the flaws of bigotry against non monosexual sexual identies and gender identities outside the binary needs to be addressed. It’s easier to be a cis queer person than it is being trans, nb or genderqueer.
Freddie, 20, Pansexual Non-binary woman
What would you like the community to do better
To understand that being part of a marginalized group doesn’t stop you from oppressing another. And using an intersectional lens we should understand that we all have one sort of privilege over each other based on our identities. That privilege should be used to help rather than harm.
Freddie, 20, Pansexual Non-binary woman
As a community, we generally need to unlearn many things, most especially cisheteronormativity, femmephobia and the likes. I love the fact that there are a lot of progressive Queer people on this platform but the community goes far beyond this bird app. We should always caution our bigot friends, this helps a lot.
Adebuzz, 21, gay enby
I think the most important thing is to have empathy, and always listen to people’s stories. Don’t just jump into conclusions.
Nicholas, 18, gay Demisexual
The Rainbow Page 
Whew. This was a wonderful read.
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